So we have had a week to start getting our head around the diagnosis that Jo’s cancer is no longer curable, but it’s not been easy.
We have had lots of messages of support from all our friends and family, we have also had an amazing amount of support from the Cancer community who follow my twitter or blog, all of which has been amazing.
We are trying to adjust from trying to get rid of the Cancer, to now trying to live with Cancer and not looking too far ahead, but that is very much a change in mindset which may take a while to reach.
We are still in limbo somewhat, which is our least favourite place, as we wait for the call from the Royal Marsden. Unfortunately it appears there was a delay in the letter being sent out and it has only been sent today, which is really frustrating. Obviously there is no guarantee that Jo will meet the strict criteria of the trials and the waiting to know one way or another is tough.
As much as you try not too, you can’t help but have dark thoughts slip in from time to time and painful discussions have come up, such as we better sort out our wills, but I guess that is part of coming to terms with the situation. Also Jo especially finds it hard thinking about not being here in the future, which is understandable and while it is so fresh, she is finding this quite hard, she fears this may be her last Christmas, but those sort of fears are understandable.
We do however see plenty of people on our twitter feed who have had secondary Cancer for many years and are still here, active and living life to the fullest and that gives us hope.
We had a busy and fun weekend as my son Conor and his girlfriend Annie came down. We went out with them and our son Jack for a meal and then to the pub to meet up with Jack’s friends and even ended up in the local nightclub, which we had avoided for the previous 9 years. Obviously Cancer is making us go a bit crazy, we did have a great time and made great if slightly hazy memories. We also then did a mock Christmas dinner for 8 on Sunday, which again Jo found quite emotional, as thoughts of what she might miss in the future surfaced again.
The fear of loss on both our sides is hard, but we need to try and ensure that it doesn’t cloud our future, that we do have together, but inevitably it will from time to time, we just need to keep that to only short periods.
We intend to carry on making the most of life, going out having fun and doing the trips we have planned where possible.
We will continue to keep you informed of how we get on.